| overview. |
[15 Apr 2009|03:56am] |
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hella depressed.
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| In Every Corner. |
[12 Mar 2009|12:52am] |
| [ |
music |
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Des Ark - Eloise |
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The sudden change in weather has left me wondering if theres anything left to hope for. i dont know if i want to live in a world where one its sleeveless t-shirt cut-off shorts bike ride weather and the next day its pants hoodie/vest combo. fuck that. i need consistency.
ive got some social velocitation going on. three years in milwaukee has made faster. carbondale takes its casually. no need to rehash it out. no need to worry about it. unfortunately it seems that will all this extra time, theres nothing to do but dwell. and the last time it got like that i loaded up a van and moved 8 hours away.
but even without any real plans, im enjoying myself. ive just got to get motivated. theres no reason to not accomplish all the ideas i have. its like ive ever reached for the stars to begin with. but im sure if i did, id get what i wanted eventually any way.
i just need some touchstone between here and there. with all the moving around over the years, ive never had that. well, i did for a while in milwaukee when carbondale started moving up. but then they just became milwaukee. well, started dating milwaukee and stopped hanging out. or simply moved back.
at least theres summer. swimming and shows and bike rides and tattoos and travelling can turn a down man up. or least turn an empty day into a life's milestone.
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| (A) New Day Rising. |
[16 Sep 2008|11:22pm] |
i cant help but have countless cliches run through my brain as i right this: "full circle," "square one," "right back where we started," etc. But the truth of the situation is, its not the same as it used to be. my moving south to carbondale isnt the same now as it was back in 2002. how could it be? nothings the same except the circumstances. and those circumstances arent even the same.
the circumstances that are the same are the ones that helped me move to milwaukee in october of 2005. but the difference between now and then is far beyond dates. i never would have thought about moving back to carbondale a few months ago, yet here i am, packing up my van with records and a copy machine ready to store my things in various peoples homes all across the town.
itll be nice though. im thinking of making myself a little map with clues, then drinking a bottle of whiskey and taking some klonopin and having myself a merry little stagger of a scavenger hunt. now where did i leave that copy machine?
but i suppose the best thing about my moving is the fact that im not as much excited to do it as i am relieved. it really does feel like going home. for once i have no grandiose plans to spill in every ear i can find. in fact, my plans could hardly even be considered plans. moving with no place to live and no source of income doesnt quite qualify as well thought out.
but really, does it matter? for once i know exactly what im getting myself into. im sure there will be some new surprises waiting for me (oh you didnt hear? we finally burnt lost cross to the ground! it was magnificent. you could see god smiling for miles. the cops even bought us a round of drinks at PKs), but im not to worried about that. im more ready to start focusing. ramble a little less. hold em. fold em. and just maybe, just walk away.
because sometimes going back isnt really going back at all.
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| dead. |
[15 Apr 2008|12:42am] |
looks like this shit is over.
read my real zine:
love in the time of scabies
myspace.com/loveinthetimeofscabies
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| Who Fucking Care Anymore, Really. |
[05 Jan 2008|12:51pm] |
i definitely like have a real zine better than this e-zine. then again, if i had a computer in my room like i used to (with internet) id probably update more often.
but i dont - so i dont care.
issue #7 of my zine is done - the collection is done.
my new band is gonna record and do a 7", and a split cassingle. probably a split 7" too.
yeah.
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| Sporatic-core. |
[08 Nov 2007|02:35pm] |
ive been the kind of busy lately which isnt all that busy at all. just time killing. lots of reading and song writing. ive slacked a little on the zine. but thatll be done by the end of the month at the latest. hopefully by the end of next week. but lets be realistic.
girl stuff has come up. dont know what to do. dont really care either. ive been either apathetic or simply fucking annoyed by it. mostly the latter. annoying isnt charming. then again, my apathy probably isnt either.
olivia is coming up for a while. thats nice. carbondale faces are generally the friendliest.
and how about this...my new band hasnt even played a show yet, but were recording for our 7" a week from saturday. brinos going to help put it out. fucking awesome.
i finally switched rooms and am totally happy. my room is stellar and its the living environment that is perfect for me. a little bit of space, filled with ornamental clutter.
so it looks like im going to chicago on saturday with erik o. holy shit/krunchies show. its gonna be rad.
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| Never Going To Sleep Again. |
[18 Oct 2007|01:17pm] |
for some reason i was lethargic as fuck yesterday. i read so many different things at work that i dont remember. just plain zombie reading. then i came home, watched some cartoons, listened to the a-side of depeche modes violator and fell asleep. then i got woken up around 1:30 am by a phone call. from who? jackie. it was nice. even though i was totally asleep for the first couple of minutes of it. the first thing i remember her asking is "were you actually asleep." it was great. im really glad that after 2 1/2 years of not talking to each other we can again. ive always really liked her. we were just different people when we were first hanging out. its nice to see that differences get settled, or completely thrown to the wayside over time. shit that would really get to me before doesnt faze me at all. neither one of us are black and goddamn fucking white anymore. i was glad to spend time with her in carbondale when i went back last time. she used to be a really good friend of mine. people changes. and its nice.
finally things to look forward to!
randomn travels. riot fest. new issue of my zine out. another issue coming out soon. new band. switching rooms. possible dj set at the riverhorse. yeah!
ive been listening to interviews on the sound of young america podcast. miranda july, patton oswalt, zach galifinakis, george saunders, andrew wk. its awesome. jamie turned me on to this. and its even better because she does the promo intro on the patton oswalt interview! yeah!
i think im gonna head to office depot. theres a defiance ohio/lefty loosie show tonight that i wouldnt mind going to and selling/handing out zines at.
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| One Less E-Friend May Mean One Less Real Friend. |
[12 Oct 2007|11:27am] |
im on a fucking roll. i should probably have another issue of the zine out in a month or so. thatd be way fucking rad. then i can take a little break from it. im thinking of making them thicker. maybe 60 pages instead of 40. id also like to focus a litle more on my new band. id like to be able to start playing out sometime in november. weve got 3 finished songs right now. a 4th finished one that ive got to teach the guys, and a 5th that weve been working on to no final completion yet. i figure that we get those done, come up with 3 more and a cover and weve got ourselves a nice short set.
my new work schedule goes into effect next week. im kinda stoked. thursday - saturday off. 4 days on, 3 days off is fine enough for me. im going to wait a couple of weeks before i ask for it to be changed. i think i want to work 1st shift. im kinda reluctant since itd be my first 1st shift job in about 3 years. but i think itd be better for me.
megan de-friended me on the myspace. me and my zine. she takes the internet rather seriously.
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| Are You Going To Send This As A Link As Well? |
[11 Oct 2007|03:32pm] |
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jesus christ. why wont megan leave me alone. its all ive asked. nothing more. just some time. i cant be friends with her right now. nor do i really want to. i dont like how ive been treated by her, and i dont like the amount of disrespect ive been getting from her as of late. i mean, come on. just let me get past everything. its not like we have anything left to talk about anyway.
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| What Is This Weariness That Waits For You (Shrug). |
[11 Oct 2007|01:12pm] |
the new issue of my zine is done. im really proud of it. i think its the best so far. after doing this thing for almost a year now, the contributions arent as steady (thank god for matt and eric doing a comic for it every fucking time), so theres a lot more of my writing in it. and im kind of happy about that. i like writing. i miss it. ive been so wrapped up in music for the past 5 years or so that ive really neglected writing. at least anything more than lyrics. its not as if i dont want any more contributions, im just comfortable in not having them.
ive been not going out even more lately. missing shows, parties, hanging out. whatever. im making an effort to do things that i want to do in a way i want to do them. its nice, and im content. ive just got to stop eating so much. whenever im sitting around the house ill eventually make my way to the kitchen and whip something up. i like the challenge of making a delicious meal with only the bare minimum of stuff we have. im a good cook and i like to excersise that. unfortunately i dont like to actually excersise, so therein lies the problem.
and you wanna whats weird? i think i might have a crush or two.
yeah. i know. crazy.
i havent crushed on someone in a long time. and in all honesty, i didnt really crush on megan until after we started seeing each other (which was rather right away). there wasnt really time for the butterfly nervous glance crushing. nor room for it, considering she lived in LA at the time. none of that i-hope-shell-be-there-when-im-there-and-i-can-make-a-sorry-excuse-to-talk-to her kind of thing.
i think ive got that going on right now. but im not sure. i used to be a serial-crusher, but its been a long time. then again, maybe i dont. im not sure.
regardless, im simply delighted at the prospect.
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| Apparently Hyphens Arent Hyphy. |
[11 Oct 2007|01:11pm] |
LONDON (Reuters) - About 16,000 words have succumbed to pressures of the Internet age and lost their hyphens in a new edition of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary.
Bumble-bee is now bumblebee, ice-cream is ice cream and pot-belly is pot belly.
And if you've got a problem, don't be such a crybaby (formerly cry-baby).
The hyphen has been squeezed as informal ways of communicating, honed in text messages and emails, spread on Web sites and seep into newspapers and books.
"People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for," said Angus Stevenson, editor of the Shorter OED, the sixth edition of which was published this week.
Another factor in the hyphen's demise is designers' distaste for its ungainly horizontal bulk between words.
"Printed writing is very much design-led these days in adverts and Web sites, and people feel that hyphens mess up the look of a nice bit of typography," he said. "The hyphen is seen as messy looking and old-fashioned."
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| So It Goes. |
[04 Oct 2007|04:27pm] |
since im not going to The Fest this year, i figure i can use that money to go to more local fests. coincidentally, ones that im much more stoked about. now, id love to go to fest and see my friends, but i dont really care about most of the bands down there, and i dont really feel like having half-blacked out 20 minute conversations about nothing with a lot of people.
LATINO FEST (chicago)
October 25, 26, 27
cojobra (puerto rico)
hit me back
kontrataque
bruise violet
no slogan
pinata protesta
descarados
la armada roja
tras de nada
send the dogs
sin orden
eske
intifada
condenada
tierra de nadien
+ more
RIOT FEST (chicago)
Saturday, November 17
Naked Raygun
Stiff Little Fingers
7Seconds
Nekromantix
The Quees
Lower Class Brats
Shot Baker
Heart Attacks
The Copyrights
Sunday, November 18
Bad Brains
The Casualties
Dillinger Four
The Bollweevils
Zero to Sixty (Dan and Denis from 88 Fingers Louie)
Flatfoot 56
Deal’s Gone Bad
The Frantic
The Fest only has bands that id like to see, that ive seen before, like naked raygun. and then the bands ive seen a million fucking times (but never ever get tired of) like the copyrights and dear landlord. it would be sweet to play it, but oh well.
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| It Being Something That I Wasnt Looking For Didn't Really Matter. |
[02 Oct 2007|02:36pm] |
so ive just gotten into scouring popsike.com for record prices. you know, to get an esitmated value of what i could sell some of my records for...
and its fucking insane.
alkaline trio - goddamnit LP : $45-$153
alkaline trio - maybe ill catch fire LP : $84-$96
cap'n jazz - schmapn schmazz LP - $40-$99
braid - movie music 4xLP - $70
less than jake - cheese 10" - $59
less than jake - birthday cake 10" - $59
sea and cake - the biz LP - $66
black flag - damaged LP - $50-$103
cannonball adderley - somethin' else LP - $59-$80
at the drive in - vaya 10" - $41-$65
thats kinda fucked up when you really think about it. shit. even when you dont really think about it, its fucked up.
yesterday ruled. i called in to work in order to work on the zine. im only about 5 pages from completion. so im stoked about that. it was also a spring heeled jack foggy day in milwaukee. super spooky. the kind of day/night that you want a lantern and a cowl for.
i really didnt do much of anything yesterday, save helping jamie out with some homework assignment. we got drunk and stoned and hung out at her place while she asked me what it was like growing up in america with immigrant parents and whatnot. it was pretty damn fun, actually. plus i got to listen to the owls album, which i havent heard in years. damn. i should really pick that LP up sometime.
i should probably head to the library in order to finish typing up some zine stuff to print out. but i probably wont. once we hook up my copy machine to a computer here in the house, shits gonna get hyphy.
erin just bailed on me about the sea and cake show on friday. i dont really want to go to chicago by myself and pay $21 (plus gas and food) to see them. i could somewhat rationalize it if i was to be going with someone else. but theres no way im doing that alone. just not worth it. but then again, i would have more money to go to that beirut show the night before. plus i wouldnt have to ask for the day off from work. hopefully jackie and i stop playing phone tag and actually get to talk about that show. id like to see her, since shes driving all the way up from carbondale.
maybe ill go to the bar tonight and listen to andy junks record collection.
who knows?
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| Its Coming Around Again. |
[01 Oct 2007|12:08pm] |
jesus christ when will fucking randomn drama end. i just got an email from justins girlfriend asking why i was talking shit about her. ive never talked shit about her. i kinda like her. but honestly, i dont know her well enough to even have formulated opinion about her. shes just kinda there to me. a person that maybe id get to know better later, maybe not. i wonder what people have been saying that i said.
ive been not going out so much lately. dont want to run into megan. or greg. or greg and megan together. especially that. i just dont want to deal with that right now. i dont really care one way or the other anymore, i just dont want to see it.
im switching rooms here at the house, taking smashers room upstairs. its huge. and it doesnt have stucco. so i can finally decorate it and whatnot. thatll last a while. but im still thinking about moving back to carbondale. why not, you know. but ive got to get out of debt and save up a little before that. so it looks like itd be the beginning of the year at the soonest. but who wants to move in the middle of winter? so probably spring. who knows though.
maybe ill re-fall in love with milwaukee this fall. after all, fall is the most romantic season. woo me milwaukee, woo yourself back into my heart.
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| All I Ever Wanted... |
[07 Sep 2007|01:55am] |
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music |
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The Broadways - 15 Minutes |
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im defeated. done. ive lost.
i cant seem to talk to my ex-fiancee without it turning into a whos been hurt more by the other person argument. i cant talk to my ex-bandmates without either being blown off or completely disregarded.
this being said, anyone going to gainesville fest and have an extra seat in their car?
this is terible. the situation that im in, minus one factor, is the exact same as the one i found myself in when i moved out of carbondale. its very cimple. when one has no social obligations the time for relocation is best. no band. check. yes, i do have a something that ive been working on for weeks with rob. but thats not coalesced just yet. still embryonic enough to be aborted. no girl. check. all ive got keeping me here is jobs. and jobs are nothing to me. were talking unskilled labor. i can get something comperable somewhere else. anywhere else, actually.
so yeah.
brooklyn?
austin?
oakland?
chicago?
wait. not there. its been seiged.
carbondale?
will you take me back? or have i strayed too far?
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| Still Cant Resist. |
[04 Sep 2007|03:17am] |
1. Where is the last place you held hands?
somewhere in milwaukee probably.
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
surprisingly so.
3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
apparently i did last night. repo man on the tv, puke in a bucket in front of me.
4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
countless times.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
no. but i used to be the best speller in the 2nd grade at hawthorn middle school.
6. What is your longest fight with one of your friends?
well, if it lasts too long theyre not really a friend anymore.
7. Are you a fast typer?
yep. and getting fdaster everyday because of my new job.
8. Are you afraid of the dark?
no. just the shit that could be in there.
9. Pizza or no food at all?
next.
10. What ended your last relationship?
my crazy brain.
12. Do you knock on wood?
sometimes. usually doors.
13. Are you drinking anything right now?
nope. i left teh gin downstairs.
14. Do you think you’re smart?
smarter than you, at least.
15. Have you ever eaten a bug?
many times. none on purpose.
16. Do you miss someone right now?
i miss a whole town in southern illinois right now.
17. What do you want for Christmas?
maybe a camera? a better amp for my stereo too.
18. Do you know the muffin man?
nope.
19. Do you talk in your sleep?
not generally, but sometimes.
20. Do you remember your 1st crush?
yeah. cause i didnt get into girls until after punk rock, so i started with that shit kinda late.
21. Have you ever flown a kite?
all the fucking time. i love it. i used to get a new kite every spring from the grocery store.
22. When was the last time that you went swimming and where?
july. boston, ma. chinese telephones tour.
23. Do you consider yourself successful?
im doing what ive always wanted to do. 14 year old me would be so jealous.
24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone?
a lot. friends, family, booking contacts...
25. Have you ever asked for a horse?
ive asked to a horse to take a step back.
26. Plans for tomorrow?
talking with the dudes who kicked me out of the band, going to the library, working on the zine, putting away laundry, calening up my bedroom.
27. What did you do this past weekend?
worked a bit. helped megan move to chicago saturday night. hung out there. celebrated tabmans birthday.
28. Miss being at school right now?
yeah, actually.
29. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
im going to safely say sunday. i stopped at my parents house en route back to milwaukee.
30. Do you want to be single?
doesnt look like ive got a choice right now.
32. Who’s your hero?
my friends. they are all my hero. singular.
33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
countless in-school suspensions. junior was expecially awesome for me.
34. What are you looking forward to?
the day off tomorrow. going on tour with holy shit on friday. getting paid.
35. If you could be stranded with one person for 24 hours, who would it be?
ive been stranded with many people for 24 hours.
37. Have you ever eaten dog food?
oh yeah. i like eating stuff. ill pretty much put anything in my body once. i used to eat the fake bacon treats for my dog rather frequently.
38. Can you handle the truth?
not very well sometimes.
39. Do you like green eggs and ham?
nope. green ketchup either.
40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places?.
lungs, kidneys, femurs.
41. Any cool scars?
tons. knuckles from junior high, top of the hand eraser burn from middle school, knee surgery scar, prep cook scars. and im pretty sure i just gave myself a wicked one just above my hairline on my forehead the other night.
42. Are you missing in action?
im not sure.
43. Where would you like to be?
carbondale, illinois. sitting on the porch of lost cross with a bottle of whiskey telling tales.
44. What’s your deepest secret?
theyre not as much deep as plentiful.
45. How often do you talk on the phone?
a couple of times a day.
46. Do you believe in love?
surely.
47. Is there something you want that you can’t have?
a big sack of weed.
48. Four things about the preferred sex that you first notice?
hair, eyes, voice, laugh
49. When was your last time you cried?
last weekend. it was fucing terrible and brutal and other wonderously destructive things.
50. Who did you last hug?
tabman. last night while dancing to they might begiants in my bedroom.
51. Do you get along with your family?
dad. yeah. mom. kinda. sister. im not quite sure, i dont think ive had an actual conversation with her in about 6 years.
52. Where is your phone?
charging in my room.
53. What was the last thing you ate?
day old fried chicken from my local grocers deli.
54. Favorite color?
black. causei m a crusty goth.
55. Last movie you saw?
paris...when it sizzles.
56. What song are you listening to?
nothing. but i was going through myspace and adding tons of bands that i used to listen to a lot of years ago. cap'n jazz, tetsuo, joan of arc, owls, the stereo, the impossibles, animal chin. high school core.
57. What do you want?
weed, a 24 ounce sparks, a jambox on my bike, and some company.
58. Last person you kissed?
one of my folks. im not sure the order in which it transpired.
59. What T.V. show are you watchin?
i was watching cheaters beforei came upstairs.
60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
megan.
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| When It Reigns... |
[28 Aug 2007|04:33am] |
let the nostalgia/comfort continue...
so you remember...
makeoutclub? buddyhead? seanbaby?
i do.
and now, so does my browser history.
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| Do You Remember When...Yeah, So I Do I... |
[28 Aug 2007|03:58am] |
the day you get cancer is the day cancer comes back in style.
i wrote this song down title on 3/18/03.
where it came from, i dont remember. but man, did it make me laugh.
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| Play Regressive, List. |
[28 Aug 2007|03:07am] |
joan of arc.
antarctica.
beulah.
angel hair.
clikatat ikatowi.
heroin.
thumbnail.
the red scare.
mohinder.
can anybody say circa 2001?
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